Sunday, October 12, 2014

Recovering from a Slip


My first slip.

In over a year.

I cried.

The slip was an odd one, I must add. I think the trigger was different then anything I've had before because I haven't had an addiction to pornography at all, just to self grad and I was doing so well staying away from that kind of thing until I was triggered by seeing pornography and giving into curiosity.

The thing is, I didn't even like the images I saw. They grossed me out and I felt awful because I knew I was looking at abuse victims. But when I tried to exit out, the sites wouldn't let me. I had heard how they catch you like that.  But, being on my phone, I knew if I didn't back out completely, the site would come up again the next time I opened the internet. It always opens the last page viewed automatically.  So it took a while but I finally managed to get out of the predicament I was in but by then my physical body was reacting in spite of the disgust I felt mental, emotionally, and spiritually.

Now I don't go online on my phone anymore. I took off my Facebook app because it has links to articles or other things I find interesting and those seem to have "related" links that just go downhill from there.

My computer has a good filtering system so it feels safer to use.

I felt like I had gone back to ground zero, but I think that's one of Satan's tools when we slip.  A slip is not a relapse unless we have completely given up on the effort in recovery. A slip is just a slip because of weakness. So I'm getting right back up on my recovery wagon and firmly staying seated.

I am not relapsing!

But what I must do is re-evaluate where I'm at right now.

A conference talk recently talked about prioritizing our spirituality and one specific sentence struck me.
"You may need to reorganize your priorities to provide time for the study of the word of God. If so, do it!"
Elder Richard G. Scott's talk from Saturday Afternoon.

I keep telling myself "I need to..." or "I really should..." but actually DOING it has become really difficult lately. I need to make prayer and scripture study a bigger priority every day so I can keep myself in check. I need to spend less time wasting time and more time doing things that are more important.

Laziness and idleness are my greatest pitfalls.

1 comment:

  1. It's interesting, but I haven't differentiated between a slip and a relapse. It seems like you're making changes to avoid idleness-induced triggers. I completely agree about the difference between "I should" and "actually doing"--something I'm trying for the first time this week is combining a personal inventory with scripture study. So I'll think of an experience that bothers me, I'll analyze my thoughts and feelings about it, then I'll try to find insights into it through the scriptures. Anyways, thanks for the post!


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