Slips

 
I bet some of my readers have been wondering what's taking me so long.  Well, it's because I'm not doing so hot at the moment.  Don't get me wrong, I haven't slipped in the way you may think.  I haven't acted out in any sinful behavior that needs to go to the bishop - but it has been putting less important things first again and getting grouchy.  Today I stayed in bed until almost noon laying there looking at Facebook on my phone or playing Candy Crush while my little ones watched Phineous and Ferb among whatever else downstairs, pouring hot cocoa mix all over the place, and when I got up I still couldn't tear myself away from the computer as I tried to do other things.

That's my slip.  It's probably been going on longer then just today, but today it got really bad.  Of course, it probably was worse because I didn't go to the meeting last night and instead went to Relief Society, which didn't do much for me but educate me a little on how to take good photographs and use Shutterfly for memory making.  I should have gone to the meeting last night.  I'm becoming consumed in my own selfishness.

So this is what I'm going to do. I need to renew priorities.  Here is how.  I am going to take Elder Nelson's advice and decide every day that I'm going to invest in the Lord first.

1.  Every morning when I wake up I'm going to fall onto my knees in prayer and ask the Lord to help me to do His will that day.

2. I'm going to make my bed and think to myself "I'm not getting back in bed today."

3. I'm going to eat a good breakfast and get dressed.

4. I'm going to study a step or a scripture.

5. During the daily chores I will play a conference talk in the background for me to listen to.  If I don't listen intently to the whole thing, I will play it again until I get it.

I did this last year pretty well and got to feeling so much better!  When I start watching out for myself and doing only what I want to do I get really grumpy and I lose myself in media addictions and lose my worth and purpose.  I have GOT to start to really serve my family in the way I should.  I need to put them first always.  I need to put the Lord even before them.  Only then will I start to feel better.

Being Imperfect

 
I didn't go to the meeting last night because I had to let my husband go by himself since we didn't have a babysitter again, and I went alone last time.  I miss it.

Support group meetings are like a breath of fresh air once a week.  Church attendance is important too, yes, but there is something extra special about attending a meeting where everyone takes off their masks and lets everyone else see the imperfections and pains and struggles, and still feel loved.  Church should be more like this.  Someday I hope the program merges into the church's regular programed system and helps people to open up and realize everybody is struggling.

There's a woman who attends my group who expressed feeling completely and utterly alone when she attends church because as she looks around it feels like she is the only one that isn't put together.  This is the terrible lie I feel everyone at church sometimes thinks they must live up to.  Especially the women (in my opinion) although the men have their masks too.  Women seem to have more to hide.  I mean, we are of course the ones expected to cover up with makeup and panty hose and modern-day corsets to hide our physical nonconformities...and then emotionally and spiritually it's even worse, because of this.  Men have the freedom to allow physical imperfection and seem to have more lee-way in their social psyche when it comes to any kind of expectation.  (Of course, they go completely the opposite direction and are expected to have the emotional capacities of snails, but that rant is for another post).

Women expect perfection in ways that are completely and utterly impossible.  But what is important to note is that most women expect this of themselves more then others, and because they expect it of themselves they feel like everyone else is  expecting it.  When, in truth, everyone else is just as worried for themselves.   No one really pays attention to judge how perfect other people are, if only to compare someone's greatest talent to one's own weaknesses, degrading oneself all over again.  I rarely could even imagine seeing someone say "Oh look, she's not a good mom because her daughter didn't get her hair in a neat ponytail for church today."

All that?  At the Addiction Recovery Support Group Meetings? Gone.

Instead, we are sitting there with the combined understanding that we all are imperfect, we all make mistakes, we all need our Savior, and that this is ok!

On top of this, we discuss our struggles and our faith, and a beautiful spirit is always there in each meeting that testifies the truth of that sentence above.

So if you are struggling with anything, be it an addiction, or just a weakness, or pain from someone else's wrongs.  Come to a meeting.  You are welcome here.

Go to the Meeting Finder to find a meeting near your area.