Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
Step 1 Reading
Our Heavenly Father and our Savior can and will heal our broken hearts but we have to give him ALL of the PIECES. <3
This time when reading through step one, I felt like I was reading it for the first time. Actually reading it and applying it to my addiction, I felt like every single word was for me. I've read it before...more then once. It's so interesting how just simply reaching a time when I was able to REALLY be honest with myself, I am listening.
I found it interesting how it even says that rarely people caught in addictive behaviors admit to being addicted. I knew this already, but I hadn't applied it to myself because I was doing just that! I was denying the seriousness of what was going on, minimizing it and lying to myself. I even would blame my unhappiness on outside things, like my family members or my situation. I often said "It's not that bad!" all the time. But I have come to that point where I can see that it has been destroying my life and damaged my relationships. Now that I can acknowledge it, I can truly turn to the Lord.
I realize now that back when I was a youth at Youth Conference (read this story here) I was taking Step 1 when I prayed to the Lord. I was admitting my dependence upon the Lord, and in turn He took away my burden. I know it can happen again and happen for anyone because the Lord can help, and will.
Again here I am taken back by the words that so fully apply to me when I was closed off to them before. "Like a degenerative disease, it eats at your ability to function normally." Truly, it has done this to me. But the truth is this: all you need is the desire and that's where we can begin. Even if it is small...and if it's not hardly there at all, you can pray for the Lord to give you the desire. Think about priorities and goals. What do I want in my life? How is the addiction preventing this? Am I willing to do what it takes to have what I want in life?
I also realize how much I actually was being prideful. I felt I could do it on my own and told myself no one else needed to know. I kept telling myself I didn't act out in the addictive behavior enough for it to be that big of a problem, so it must not be an addiction. I told myself I had it under control now so I didn't need to confess anything and I didn't need any help. These are distortions that have allowed my addiction to survive. Deep inside, I know and have always known it's something that is nagging at my conscience because it needs to be taken care of and put into the past so it will never happen again.
This stubborn pride is the same for anyone when making any unrighteous choices that are not aligned with God's will.
I love this quote by Boyd K. Packer from a Conference Report in 1986, "The study of the doctrine of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."
Remember WRITING IS A POWERFUL TOOL FOR RECOVERY!
The Study and Understanding Portion of the steps is very important to participate in, because this is where the true change happens internally and the step is not fully taken until this happens inside.