Monday, September 9, 2013


It seems strange but interesting that just when I'm going through the process of being called as a facilitator for the support group for women with addicted loved ones, I realize I need to work the steps for my own addiction to self gratification.  I started to wonder if I needed to attend the meetings for female addicts.  Maybe I will sometime, but for now I know I'm where I'm supposed to be and I am still being spiritually led to where I need to be.

Even though I am still only working on step one with this particular problem, I am feeling very close to the Lord and very guided.  It's wonderful how much the spirit helps us once we are set apart for a specific calling.  When I was set apart to facilitate, I felt the same precious spirit that I feel in the meetings and I knew I was doing what I was supposed to be doing and the Lord would help me be there for these wonderful women.

I can also testify that step one is a big step, even though it seems small.  It appears to be a baby step in the right direction - just to realize your position, your helplessness and dependence on the Savior.  But it's big.  Because simply doing that makes a big difference.  I felt it in the past when I took this step in other ways, but I am feeling it work it's miracles now as I do it for this particular problem.

I know the Lord is there and cares about us.  He cares about you.  No matter what problems, habits, sins, or addictions we have, He cares and wants us to be free.  We are important to Him, vastly important!  Turning to Him is all we need to do in order to gain the freedom to escape from the tangled web we might find ourselves in.

For me, it was simply this that has already made positive results in my marriage.  I have begun to feel!  It's real and I am beginning to treasure my experiences.  I realize now that I always used to feel rather dirty sexually.  I felt uncomfortable opening myself up to that mind-frame at all because it seemed to be all interconnected with negativity.  People talked about how this part of married life was so precious to them and I couldn't understand how they felt.  I wanted to feel that way but didn't know where to begin.  I thought maybe we just needed practice, but the day never seemed to come when I really felt good about it.  There were times when the experience was positive, but I still couldn't let go.  I see now that I couldn't let go because I needed to give those things away.  My Savior has always been there to take away the burden and now I've handed it to Him.  What a relief!

And I'm only beginning.  Step 1 is Honesty.  Admit that I, of myself, am powerless to overcome my addictions and that my life has become unmanageable.  Check. :)

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